Boner Free

Some things you do just so you can blog about them...

Tonight I did something I had considered several times, but didn't think I had the guts to do. And that is HOT NUDE YOGA.

Wes has the DVDs - Beginner, Strength, Partner and Tantra. And I've watched them many times. Hell, sometimes I've even exercised. Aaron Star is the guy who created this whole concept and from the DVDs you feel like there's this whole community of naturalist, non-lookist gay men who have come together for a sense of community and belonging. So they happen to be naked! Who cares? It's about the bond that comes from men having a shared homosensual experience.

Well, it wasn't exactly that way. This being Los Angeles, there's bound to be a sense of personal space and elitism. I probably had the most percentage body fat of any guy there. The HNY folks have this thing about wanting to be at the same fitness level - it's part of the communial experience thing. That and they can't say, "No fatties! You're disgusting to look at and how can I be calm and at peace with myself if I have to look your gross self!" Hey! I'm in shape. I just finished P90X, got toned, but I didn't stop eating like I like to eat, which is like a real person.

Btw, I just made some bolognese tonight and it looks delish. It's always better the second day, my mother says.

So I walk in there with my cute arms and my boyish good looks and my tummy. I don't mean to over sell it. It's not a gut. But it's soft and adorable and mostly flat. Let's just say it doesn't detract from the outward-first, then inner beauty. It's in this house in this non-descript neighborhood in Hollywood. I manage to find parking and I walk to the front of the house. Nothing. But I can see the flicker of candle light, so I head around the back where the back door is wide open.

Very Craig's List.

So I walk inside and see a bunch of naked dudes in minimal lighting walking around. In Aaron's videos, the group laughs and strips down and laughs some more. Then they do a big group hug, some of them are turned on and they start their yoga practice with hard-ons.

But this is HNY LA, so there are no hugs. The guys who all know each other keep to themselves and I grab the one spot left in the back corner where I can barely stretch my legs. I feel like Rosa Parks.

I'm a little shocked at myself. I drove all the way over to the class thinking that I was going to get an erection and then I'd have to proudly display it as I did my Warrior One or lunged into Warrior Two. Tree Pose was going to be a bitch with that extra branch throwing off my balance. But I looked down and there was nothing.

And of course I must have been a dead giveaway as the new kid because my neck kept craning. The instructor had a nice one and the guy next to me seemed to have a non-threatening, yet respectable penis of his own. The class begins and my erection free body starts to move.

And sweat. I thought it was called Hot Nude Yoga because they were trying to be titilating. Turns out, there was a very good reason they ask you to bring a towel to lay on your yoga mat. I almost didn't bring one because I didn't see the point. But halfway through, I'm wiping myself down. I've got to say, there's nothing like feeling that bead of sweat head down the small of your back and disappear into your buttcrack. I felt like I National Geographic Special on dew.

Then I look in front of my, through the semi-dark haze to see a familiar face. Aaron Star, founder of HNY was in front of me. Or what seemed like a version of him with a shaved head and a piercing maybe. But then he wasn't doing the poses full out. So then I decided it wasn't him. But he kept smiling at me like he owned the joint and then I thought, "Well, maybe he doesn't want to show off."

I'm doing my Child's Pose and my Downward Dog and my sequences, waiting for the moment when the instructor asks us all to come together and lay on top of each other or awaken the chakras in our respective taints. But that moment never arrived. I might have had a heart attack. The closest I came was Dolphin Pose.

So the instructor counts all of us in the room and it seemed like I was the only one without a partner. Everyone had someone in front of them but me. But then I thought that maybe the instructor would be my partner and even that thought didn't produce any arousal. Not even a chubby. The idea behind Dolphin Pose is that you balance on your elbows with your body straight up in the air. And this pose takes THREE people to execute. There's the "dolphin" and the two people creating the cage that keeps the dolphin from falling over. Caged animals. All of a sudden this is starting to feel less freeing and spiritual.

I get with these two guys - one is this cute blonde dude who seems a little hard core. I later find out his name is Todd. And then there is this hot panther (is that what we're calling male cougars now? I can't keep up. I prefer the old school term: Daddy). This guy is tight and six packed and clearly has been practicing yoga for years. Because he can do the frog pose and standing on his head and do all that crazy kama sutra shit.

Sidenote: They tell you not to eat two hours before you get there. I stopped eating about 1:15 minutes before class. And I got a little nervous when I saw Frog Pose, which is basically a squat where you rest your elbows on your inner thighs. In other words, you're squatting down like a Chinaman in a rice paddy stretching out your asshole. If you had any gas, there was no way it was going to stay inside and incognito. And the room is turned up, so farting in a hot room is a recipe for disaster. Thankfully, I was okay.

So that little group exercise was nice, but then it was back to stretches and balance poses. Then we get to the end where we all have to lie down and shut our eyes. In the DVDs, Aaron comes over and places a hand on your tummy to settle our breathing or he rubs your shoulder or licks your nipple...wait! That might have been a dream I had. Anyways, he's touching you and helping you relax. None of that here. It was very tame. I had managed to doze off a bit, but it was so relaxing. And then class was over.

In the light, I did realize that Aaron Star indeed had taken our class. I felt blessed, but I was confused that he didn't make us do a daisy chain or at least take hold of each other's "root chakras", if you know what I mean.

They don't discourage erections, according to the website. The worst thing that can happen (and the best) is that your erection is a source of inspiration for the group and things start sprouting all over the place. But that's not the point here. The point is to gather with other men, free of the labels that clothes and bags and shoes and cars give us. At that moment, we are all the same. we're all doing the same thing and trying to achieve the same goal.

I decided to go tonight because I am looking to awaken something in me. Not my sexuality, because that's pretty awake. Actually, it's been pulling an all nighter since junior high. I wanted to be in a place that was free from some of the industry Hollywood bullshit. I succeeded. It was liberating to be naked. And to forget about the world for a moment and focus inward. I just finished this pilot and polished up another one and am getting ready to start a MEDEA adaptation and then want to work on another play this year...I needed something. Something that just brought me back to myself. And I love stretching. It was always my favorite part of dance class because it allowed me to focus inward.

So will I go back? I might try another class or two. I'm curious about some of the other workshops. And I'm curious about the guys who come here and why.

But mainly I want to go back because the heat made me really flexible and I want to see how much more flexible I can become. In every way.