Well, if Brooke Burke can go on OPRAH and talk about her "Bucket List", her list of things she wants for herself and they can come into reality, I need to get my list started.
I started visualizing the other day the good things that I want in my life. And in an effort to put myself out there, despite the fear that I might look like a food, I am going to write exactly what I want.
First of all, I want a life of fulfillment. In that life, I want a partner who is happy and healthy and brings that back to me. Then I want to pass it back to him, but with even more happiness. And I want him to then grow that happiness even further and pass it back to me again. And so on and so on. I want a healthy strong body - one that is inspired to move and dance, like I did when I was in college. I want to put thoughtful and delicious food in my mouth. I want to take the time to take care of myself and others.
I want to be a paid writer. I want to staff on a show in the next month. And I want to be employed through the next year and have an even better opportunity come to me right after that. I want to leave my current job for this new job and the next opportunity. I want to sell at least one show this year. I want to decrease my debt and increase my capacity to enjoy my life, more freely.
I want to make up inspired and fall asleep accomplished every day. I want to smile at my boyfriend and laugh hard. I want more silliness in my life. I want to enjoy my dogs more.
The job I want is writing for GLEE or MODERN FAMILY.
I want to keep writing. I want the commission I applied for from Interact. I want Ignition from Victory Gardens to do my play ON THE SUBJECT OF LILLA. And at the same time, I want it to be done at the Alliance in Atlanta.
An agent. I need an agent too. And a new car. And a cover story. It could be the cover of the Calendar Section of the LA TIMES. I wouldn't hate on that.
I want to remember that when you put something in the universe, the universe conspires to help you get it. It worked before.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Retreat
I have to go to the OC for work this weekend. Well, it's work on two fronts. I'm covering a theatre festival for work. And I'm going to be meeting and socializing with a bunch of artistic directors and literary managers at theatres that I want to produce my plays.
And I've been writing a lot this year, so I have a lot to share and talk about.
I have outfits planned.
I have meals planned.
I have personalities planned. :)
I also have some quiet time planned for me to go back to my hotel room and just write and write. These things make me inspired. So I'm going to pack my car up with my computer and some adorable clothes and drive down to the OC listening to KCRW and get to work. I'm also going to work out. And run in the morning.
It's funny that my way of relaxing is to pile on a bunch of things to do. Fitting everything into my schedule.
Making it all work. Because I have a lot to do this weekend. Oy.
And I've been writing a lot this year, so I have a lot to share and talk about.
I have outfits planned.
I have meals planned.
I have personalities planned. :)
I also have some quiet time planned for me to go back to my hotel room and just write and write. These things make me inspired. So I'm going to pack my car up with my computer and some adorable clothes and drive down to the OC listening to KCRW and get to work. I'm also going to work out. And run in the morning.
It's funny that my way of relaxing is to pile on a bunch of things to do. Fitting everything into my schedule.
Making it all work. Because I have a lot to do this weekend. Oy.
Falafel
I just keep eating and eating. That's not good. I think I might be gaining weight.
I was just eating Falafel wrapped in a lettuce leaf with cucumbers and hot sauce. How can that be fattening?
I ate five.
Oops.
And they weren't even that good. I make these great chickpea veggie burgers that are so much better and juicier. I need to make some of those soon. Those are delicious. With onion, micro greens, grated carrots, lemon zest, and fresh herbs fried in olive oil. Delish.
How am I going to look cute when I meet all of these artistic directors and literary managers this weekend?
A big scarf to distract. And sunglasses. And lots of friends around me hugging me.
I was just eating Falafel wrapped in a lettuce leaf with cucumbers and hot sauce. How can that be fattening?
I ate five.
Oops.
And they weren't even that good. I make these great chickpea veggie burgers that are so much better and juicier. I need to make some of those soon. Those are delicious. With onion, micro greens, grated carrots, lemon zest, and fresh herbs fried in olive oil. Delish.
How am I going to look cute when I meet all of these artistic directors and literary managers this weekend?
A big scarf to distract. And sunglasses. And lots of friends around me hugging me.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Push It
Get up on this!
That's kind of how I'm feeling right now. Push it! I just finished one pilot and working on another and maybe trying to cram another spec in last minute because I don't know if the other material is working and meeting people and listening to pitches and coming up with fresh ideas and then there are the plays: the two I did in the Fall and need to rewrite and the one that's waiting to come out of me and the other that I did a commission proposal for. F-F-F-F!
I'm an artist. I try to remember that. Because I'm also the person who needs to pay my bills. But first and foremost, I'm the person who needs to write in order to make sense of the world and who needs it to be smarter and to be curious and to delight in fashioning a world of my own design. It's all of those things. Control in a world that sometimes feels vast and bigger than I can stand.
Today I have to remember to keep pushing it. To write those projects.
THE MEDEA EXPERIMENT
CURSE OF THE ASIAN CHILD
BOTTOMED OUT
SINGLED OUT
MODERN FAMILY
KEEP UP
EMPERORS
Do it. Remember what speaks to you, Loo.
More to come...
That's kind of how I'm feeling right now. Push it! I just finished one pilot and working on another and maybe trying to cram another spec in last minute because I don't know if the other material is working and meeting people and listening to pitches and coming up with fresh ideas and then there are the plays: the two I did in the Fall and need to rewrite and the one that's waiting to come out of me and the other that I did a commission proposal for. F-F-F-F!
I'm an artist. I try to remember that. Because I'm also the person who needs to pay my bills. But first and foremost, I'm the person who needs to write in order to make sense of the world and who needs it to be smarter and to be curious and to delight in fashioning a world of my own design. It's all of those things. Control in a world that sometimes feels vast and bigger than I can stand.
Today I have to remember to keep pushing it. To write those projects.
THE MEDEA EXPERIMENT
CURSE OF THE ASIAN CHILD
BOTTOMED OUT
SINGLED OUT
MODERN FAMILY
KEEP UP
EMPERORS
Do it. Remember what speaks to you, Loo.
More to come...
Grating Cheese
I'm in the mood to grate some cheese.
I've got a lot on my mind, trying to finish some writing projects, trying to pull my shit together. I think it's time to make some enchiladas tonight.
The sauce has been resting and marinating and getting flavorful in my kitchen.
I made it nice and not spicy for my boyfriend.
It's a good traditional red sauce.
Cheese enchies with olives and green onions.
maybe a nice salad.
some black beans maybe.
just putting it all together.
The ideas tend to come out when I'm doing things like chopping and grating and frying the corn tortillas to soften them up.
I'll put on some Beyonce. Maybe the Madonna Glee Soundtrack in anticipation for tonight.
Then the boyfriend will come home.
I will present him with the enchilada tray, like some sort of Spanish language commercial or something racist on daytime TV.
"Hola, mi amor. Las Enchiladas para ti!"
"Wow. That's beautiful. For me!"
"Si! For you."
BIG SMILES. END OF COMMERCIAL.
I've got a lot on my mind, trying to finish some writing projects, trying to pull my shit together. I think it's time to make some enchiladas tonight.
The sauce has been resting and marinating and getting flavorful in my kitchen.
I made it nice and not spicy for my boyfriend.
It's a good traditional red sauce.
Cheese enchies with olives and green onions.
maybe a nice salad.
some black beans maybe.
just putting it all together.
The ideas tend to come out when I'm doing things like chopping and grating and frying the corn tortillas to soften them up.
I'll put on some Beyonce. Maybe the Madonna Glee Soundtrack in anticipation for tonight.
Then the boyfriend will come home.
I will present him with the enchilada tray, like some sort of Spanish language commercial or something racist on daytime TV.
"Hola, mi amor. Las Enchiladas para ti!"
"Wow. That's beautiful. For me!"
"Si! For you."
BIG SMILES. END OF COMMERCIAL.
Gleeking out on Madonna
So tonight the baby gay boy in me will be in full effect. I will be watching "The Power of Madonna" episode of Glee with an ice cream sandwich with the other gay boy in my life. Memories of my childhood will come flooding back. We will be holding hands, giggling, hopefully crying at some point, and singing along.
Madonna's played a significant role in my life. I remember the first time I heard "Holiday." I was in my Mom's red subaru station wagon. We just sat there and listened. I know it didn't go further than..."gosh, I really like this BLACK singer." But it changed something for me. It meant that I would have a life long obsession with R&B music and anything that made me shake my booty.
Then I was at summer camp and someone was singing along to "Borderline." I thought: "Wow, there's that Madonna again." And then I watched the video: "Who's the cute guy in her video and where's that rooftop?" So I guess I could say that she started my obsession with cute guys and NYC. Well, that might be stretching it. I probably was obsessed with both MUCH earlier. Like birth.
Then I kind of ignored Madonna. I had the "Like a Virgin" and "Dress You Up/Angel" singles that I got at the swap meet. Yes, I am half-Mexican and went to the Santa Fe Springs Swap Meet as a child. I won't front. So I listened to Madonna, but it wasn't that big a deal. I was much more into Stacey Q and Debbie Gibson.
I thought the True Blue album cover was kind of cool. And I think the lady who drove me and my brother to school in the morning listened to the cassette tape. There were some great songs on that album and the Herb Ritts cover was amazing in retrospect, but I wasn't all that into it. I liked her transformation and my friend Alanna lent me her VHS copy of the Live in Italia concert. But I was just kind of ho-hum about Madonkey (that's what we call her).
And then came Like A Prayer.
Well, the rumor was that they filmed the Pepsi commercial in my CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL. And then I saw the video. And I was like: "Oh the irony!" And that started my obsession with irony. And black Jesuses. And choirs. Then I learned who Donna Delory and Niki Harris were (her back up singers - really the Florence Ballard and the Mary Wilson to her Diana Ross) and become obsessed with them.
Then Jennifer Richard got me the cassette tape and I was like..."holy hell, I'm a homo!" Hee hee. No, it wasn't that immediate. But I was officially drinking the Kool Aid. I got the remixes of "Express Yourself." I knew the entire dance that she did at the MTV Music Video Awards that year. I thought it was brave that she was showing her roots and I was excited that she went from dark hair in the "Like A Prayer" video to blond again. I thought it was an important social statement. Then something significant happened.
I might have expressed this in a previous post about my high school crush, but the "Express Yourself" video was the back drop for one of the most uncomfortable conversations on my life. I had to tell someone I wasn't obsessed with them. A boy. For FOUR HOURS. Why he let me talk to him for FOUR HOURS was odd and strange. And the fact that I had FOUR HOURS worth of denial in me was impressive. So I officially then became obsessed with boys. Actually, Irish boys. And look at me now...with a hot Irishman. Seriously. It's funny how Madonna has been there for so much of my life. And that I was listening to them replay a video for a song called "Express Yourself" every hour during this four hour conversation...when I was expressing myself...wow.
But Madonna taught me a lot of things too. I reflected on my own Catholicism and the hypocrisy within the Church (and became obsessed with THAT), learned who Fritz Lang was and what "Metropolis" was (the inspiration for the "Express Yourself" video), was introduced to the music of "Sly and the Family Stone" (according to Madonna, "Express Yourself" was her nod to Sly and the Family Stone. I got introduced to the work of David Fincher, who directed that video.
And then I was hooked: from "Cherish" and the mermen of the video to "Oh Father" to "Promise to Try." And then the Blond Ambition Tour which I didn't go to but heard about and listened to on the radio and watched on HBO and taped and watched obsessively. And even watched the rehearsal special on MTV and saw the performance version of "Vogue." And felt butterflies in my stomach when I watched the "Vogue" video and memorized those dances. I was so hooked.
I even gave lectures on Madonna to upper level religious studies classes as a Freshman in college to Juniors and Seniors. At my Catholic university!
She encouraged my artistry and my ambitions to work within a popular idiom. My plays all deal with identity and have an awareness of pop culture in style, in language and just as a part of the world they live in. Sometimes that influence is right up there at the forefront. Sometimes it's less so.
I've Gleeked out enough for one post. But I'll probably do so again. She's amazing and I love her. I'm glad I got to grow up in the era of Madonna. Doesn't that make me sound so old? But it's true. It's had such a major influence over me in so many ways.
Just paying homage.
Madonna's played a significant role in my life. I remember the first time I heard "Holiday." I was in my Mom's red subaru station wagon. We just sat there and listened. I know it didn't go further than..."gosh, I really like this BLACK singer." But it changed something for me. It meant that I would have a life long obsession with R&B music and anything that made me shake my booty.
Then I was at summer camp and someone was singing along to "Borderline." I thought: "Wow, there's that Madonna again." And then I watched the video: "Who's the cute guy in her video and where's that rooftop?" So I guess I could say that she started my obsession with cute guys and NYC. Well, that might be stretching it. I probably was obsessed with both MUCH earlier. Like birth.
Then I kind of ignored Madonna. I had the "Like a Virgin" and "Dress You Up/Angel" singles that I got at the swap meet. Yes, I am half-Mexican and went to the Santa Fe Springs Swap Meet as a child. I won't front. So I listened to Madonna, but it wasn't that big a deal. I was much more into Stacey Q and Debbie Gibson.
I thought the True Blue album cover was kind of cool. And I think the lady who drove me and my brother to school in the morning listened to the cassette tape. There were some great songs on that album and the Herb Ritts cover was amazing in retrospect, but I wasn't all that into it. I liked her transformation and my friend Alanna lent me her VHS copy of the Live in Italia concert. But I was just kind of ho-hum about Madonkey (that's what we call her).
And then came Like A Prayer.
Well, the rumor was that they filmed the Pepsi commercial in my CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL. And then I saw the video. And I was like: "Oh the irony!" And that started my obsession with irony. And black Jesuses. And choirs. Then I learned who Donna Delory and Niki Harris were (her back up singers - really the Florence Ballard and the Mary Wilson to her Diana Ross) and become obsessed with them.
Then Jennifer Richard got me the cassette tape and I was like..."holy hell, I'm a homo!" Hee hee. No, it wasn't that immediate. But I was officially drinking the Kool Aid. I got the remixes of "Express Yourself." I knew the entire dance that she did at the MTV Music Video Awards that year. I thought it was brave that she was showing her roots and I was excited that she went from dark hair in the "Like A Prayer" video to blond again. I thought it was an important social statement. Then something significant happened.
I might have expressed this in a previous post about my high school crush, but the "Express Yourself" video was the back drop for one of the most uncomfortable conversations on my life. I had to tell someone I wasn't obsessed with them. A boy. For FOUR HOURS. Why he let me talk to him for FOUR HOURS was odd and strange. And the fact that I had FOUR HOURS worth of denial in me was impressive. So I officially then became obsessed with boys. Actually, Irish boys. And look at me now...with a hot Irishman. Seriously. It's funny how Madonna has been there for so much of my life. And that I was listening to them replay a video for a song called "Express Yourself" every hour during this four hour conversation...when I was expressing myself...wow.
But Madonna taught me a lot of things too. I reflected on my own Catholicism and the hypocrisy within the Church (and became obsessed with THAT), learned who Fritz Lang was and what "Metropolis" was (the inspiration for the "Express Yourself" video), was introduced to the music of "Sly and the Family Stone" (according to Madonna, "Express Yourself" was her nod to Sly and the Family Stone. I got introduced to the work of David Fincher, who directed that video.
And then I was hooked: from "Cherish" and the mermen of the video to "Oh Father" to "Promise to Try." And then the Blond Ambition Tour which I didn't go to but heard about and listened to on the radio and watched on HBO and taped and watched obsessively. And even watched the rehearsal special on MTV and saw the performance version of "Vogue." And felt butterflies in my stomach when I watched the "Vogue" video and memorized those dances. I was so hooked.
I even gave lectures on Madonna to upper level religious studies classes as a Freshman in college to Juniors and Seniors. At my Catholic university!
She encouraged my artistry and my ambitions to work within a popular idiom. My plays all deal with identity and have an awareness of pop culture in style, in language and just as a part of the world they live in. Sometimes that influence is right up there at the forefront. Sometimes it's less so.
I've Gleeked out enough for one post. But I'll probably do so again. She's amazing and I love her. I'm glad I got to grow up in the era of Madonna. Doesn't that make me sound so old? But it's true. It's had such a major influence over me in so many ways.
Just paying homage.
My Problem with my Status Update
It's crazy to me when someone I haven't seen in a while starts talking to me about what's been going on in my life, as if they're explaining it to me. And just when it starts to get really annoying, I remember...
Oh, I put that in my status update, didn't I?
"Oh, so you've already seen pictures of my niece."
"Right. I did do flights of bourbon in Louisville with my friends Emily, Kory and Sarah."
"Sorry. I did take the Lord's name in vain last week."
IN some ways it's good to have a status update repeat your status back to you in the form of a friend who reminds you of how busy you are and how much writing you've been doing lately. I've never noticed that I'm an incredibly prolific, wide-ranging, nimble writer before. Seriously. I'm usually really busy freaking out about deadlines and feeling like a loser to realize how productive I'm being. So thank you, status update for that.
And I notice people congratulating me on how productive I am. That's a boost. It makes my life seem more interesting than I find it. And it gives me the opportunity to be witty a lot.
My status update helps me remember how many people in my life are fans of either RuPaul's Drag Race or The Real Housewives of New York City or Glee. Then it reminds me of how many gay people I know.
Lots.
Actually, it doesn't seem like I have a problem with my status update.
Except maybe that it means I don't hear my friends' voices as much as I used to.
Oh, I put that in my status update, didn't I?
"Oh, so you've already seen pictures of my niece."
"Right. I did do flights of bourbon in Louisville with my friends Emily, Kory and Sarah."
"Sorry. I did take the Lord's name in vain last week."
IN some ways it's good to have a status update repeat your status back to you in the form of a friend who reminds you of how busy you are and how much writing you've been doing lately. I've never noticed that I'm an incredibly prolific, wide-ranging, nimble writer before. Seriously. I'm usually really busy freaking out about deadlines and feeling like a loser to realize how productive I'm being. So thank you, status update for that.
And I notice people congratulating me on how productive I am. That's a boost. It makes my life seem more interesting than I find it. And it gives me the opportunity to be witty a lot.
My status update helps me remember how many people in my life are fans of either RuPaul's Drag Race or The Real Housewives of New York City or Glee. Then it reminds me of how many gay people I know.
Lots.
Actually, it doesn't seem like I have a problem with my status update.
Except maybe that it means I don't hear my friends' voices as much as I used to.
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