Well, if Brooke Burke can go on OPRAH and talk about her "Bucket List", her list of things she wants for herself and they can come into reality, I need to get my list started.
I started visualizing the other day the good things that I want in my life. And in an effort to put myself out there, despite the fear that I might look like a food, I am going to write exactly what I want.
First of all, I want a life of fulfillment. In that life, I want a partner who is happy and healthy and brings that back to me. Then I want to pass it back to him, but with even more happiness. And I want him to then grow that happiness even further and pass it back to me again. And so on and so on. I want a healthy strong body - one that is inspired to move and dance, like I did when I was in college. I want to put thoughtful and delicious food in my mouth. I want to take the time to take care of myself and others.
I want to be a paid writer. I want to staff on a show in the next month. And I want to be employed through the next year and have an even better opportunity come to me right after that. I want to leave my current job for this new job and the next opportunity. I want to sell at least one show this year. I want to decrease my debt and increase my capacity to enjoy my life, more freely.
I want to make up inspired and fall asleep accomplished every day. I want to smile at my boyfriend and laugh hard. I want more silliness in my life. I want to enjoy my dogs more.
The job I want is writing for GLEE or MODERN FAMILY.
I want to keep writing. I want the commission I applied for from Interact. I want Ignition from Victory Gardens to do my play ON THE SUBJECT OF LILLA. And at the same time, I want it to be done at the Alliance in Atlanta.
An agent. I need an agent too. And a new car. And a cover story. It could be the cover of the Calendar Section of the LA TIMES. I wouldn't hate on that.
I want to remember that when you put something in the universe, the universe conspires to help you get it. It worked before.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Retreat
I have to go to the OC for work this weekend. Well, it's work on two fronts. I'm covering a theatre festival for work. And I'm going to be meeting and socializing with a bunch of artistic directors and literary managers at theatres that I want to produce my plays.
And I've been writing a lot this year, so I have a lot to share and talk about.
I have outfits planned.
I have meals planned.
I have personalities planned. :)
I also have some quiet time planned for me to go back to my hotel room and just write and write. These things make me inspired. So I'm going to pack my car up with my computer and some adorable clothes and drive down to the OC listening to KCRW and get to work. I'm also going to work out. And run in the morning.
It's funny that my way of relaxing is to pile on a bunch of things to do. Fitting everything into my schedule.
Making it all work. Because I have a lot to do this weekend. Oy.
And I've been writing a lot this year, so I have a lot to share and talk about.
I have outfits planned.
I have meals planned.
I have personalities planned. :)
I also have some quiet time planned for me to go back to my hotel room and just write and write. These things make me inspired. So I'm going to pack my car up with my computer and some adorable clothes and drive down to the OC listening to KCRW and get to work. I'm also going to work out. And run in the morning.
It's funny that my way of relaxing is to pile on a bunch of things to do. Fitting everything into my schedule.
Making it all work. Because I have a lot to do this weekend. Oy.
Falafel
I just keep eating and eating. That's not good. I think I might be gaining weight.
I was just eating Falafel wrapped in a lettuce leaf with cucumbers and hot sauce. How can that be fattening?
I ate five.
Oops.
And they weren't even that good. I make these great chickpea veggie burgers that are so much better and juicier. I need to make some of those soon. Those are delicious. With onion, micro greens, grated carrots, lemon zest, and fresh herbs fried in olive oil. Delish.
How am I going to look cute when I meet all of these artistic directors and literary managers this weekend?
A big scarf to distract. And sunglasses. And lots of friends around me hugging me.
I was just eating Falafel wrapped in a lettuce leaf with cucumbers and hot sauce. How can that be fattening?
I ate five.
Oops.
And they weren't even that good. I make these great chickpea veggie burgers that are so much better and juicier. I need to make some of those soon. Those are delicious. With onion, micro greens, grated carrots, lemon zest, and fresh herbs fried in olive oil. Delish.
How am I going to look cute when I meet all of these artistic directors and literary managers this weekend?
A big scarf to distract. And sunglasses. And lots of friends around me hugging me.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Push It
Get up on this!
That's kind of how I'm feeling right now. Push it! I just finished one pilot and working on another and maybe trying to cram another spec in last minute because I don't know if the other material is working and meeting people and listening to pitches and coming up with fresh ideas and then there are the plays: the two I did in the Fall and need to rewrite and the one that's waiting to come out of me and the other that I did a commission proposal for. F-F-F-F!
I'm an artist. I try to remember that. Because I'm also the person who needs to pay my bills. But first and foremost, I'm the person who needs to write in order to make sense of the world and who needs it to be smarter and to be curious and to delight in fashioning a world of my own design. It's all of those things. Control in a world that sometimes feels vast and bigger than I can stand.
Today I have to remember to keep pushing it. To write those projects.
THE MEDEA EXPERIMENT
CURSE OF THE ASIAN CHILD
BOTTOMED OUT
SINGLED OUT
MODERN FAMILY
KEEP UP
EMPERORS
Do it. Remember what speaks to you, Loo.
More to come...
That's kind of how I'm feeling right now. Push it! I just finished one pilot and working on another and maybe trying to cram another spec in last minute because I don't know if the other material is working and meeting people and listening to pitches and coming up with fresh ideas and then there are the plays: the two I did in the Fall and need to rewrite and the one that's waiting to come out of me and the other that I did a commission proposal for. F-F-F-F!
I'm an artist. I try to remember that. Because I'm also the person who needs to pay my bills. But first and foremost, I'm the person who needs to write in order to make sense of the world and who needs it to be smarter and to be curious and to delight in fashioning a world of my own design. It's all of those things. Control in a world that sometimes feels vast and bigger than I can stand.
Today I have to remember to keep pushing it. To write those projects.
THE MEDEA EXPERIMENT
CURSE OF THE ASIAN CHILD
BOTTOMED OUT
SINGLED OUT
MODERN FAMILY
KEEP UP
EMPERORS
Do it. Remember what speaks to you, Loo.
More to come...
Grating Cheese
I'm in the mood to grate some cheese.
I've got a lot on my mind, trying to finish some writing projects, trying to pull my shit together. I think it's time to make some enchiladas tonight.
The sauce has been resting and marinating and getting flavorful in my kitchen.
I made it nice and not spicy for my boyfriend.
It's a good traditional red sauce.
Cheese enchies with olives and green onions.
maybe a nice salad.
some black beans maybe.
just putting it all together.
The ideas tend to come out when I'm doing things like chopping and grating and frying the corn tortillas to soften them up.
I'll put on some Beyonce. Maybe the Madonna Glee Soundtrack in anticipation for tonight.
Then the boyfriend will come home.
I will present him with the enchilada tray, like some sort of Spanish language commercial or something racist on daytime TV.
"Hola, mi amor. Las Enchiladas para ti!"
"Wow. That's beautiful. For me!"
"Si! For you."
BIG SMILES. END OF COMMERCIAL.
I've got a lot on my mind, trying to finish some writing projects, trying to pull my shit together. I think it's time to make some enchiladas tonight.
The sauce has been resting and marinating and getting flavorful in my kitchen.
I made it nice and not spicy for my boyfriend.
It's a good traditional red sauce.
Cheese enchies with olives and green onions.
maybe a nice salad.
some black beans maybe.
just putting it all together.
The ideas tend to come out when I'm doing things like chopping and grating and frying the corn tortillas to soften them up.
I'll put on some Beyonce. Maybe the Madonna Glee Soundtrack in anticipation for tonight.
Then the boyfriend will come home.
I will present him with the enchilada tray, like some sort of Spanish language commercial or something racist on daytime TV.
"Hola, mi amor. Las Enchiladas para ti!"
"Wow. That's beautiful. For me!"
"Si! For you."
BIG SMILES. END OF COMMERCIAL.
Gleeking out on Madonna
So tonight the baby gay boy in me will be in full effect. I will be watching "The Power of Madonna" episode of Glee with an ice cream sandwich with the other gay boy in my life. Memories of my childhood will come flooding back. We will be holding hands, giggling, hopefully crying at some point, and singing along.
Madonna's played a significant role in my life. I remember the first time I heard "Holiday." I was in my Mom's red subaru station wagon. We just sat there and listened. I know it didn't go further than..."gosh, I really like this BLACK singer." But it changed something for me. It meant that I would have a life long obsession with R&B music and anything that made me shake my booty.
Then I was at summer camp and someone was singing along to "Borderline." I thought: "Wow, there's that Madonna again." And then I watched the video: "Who's the cute guy in her video and where's that rooftop?" So I guess I could say that she started my obsession with cute guys and NYC. Well, that might be stretching it. I probably was obsessed with both MUCH earlier. Like birth.
Then I kind of ignored Madonna. I had the "Like a Virgin" and "Dress You Up/Angel" singles that I got at the swap meet. Yes, I am half-Mexican and went to the Santa Fe Springs Swap Meet as a child. I won't front. So I listened to Madonna, but it wasn't that big a deal. I was much more into Stacey Q and Debbie Gibson.
I thought the True Blue album cover was kind of cool. And I think the lady who drove me and my brother to school in the morning listened to the cassette tape. There were some great songs on that album and the Herb Ritts cover was amazing in retrospect, but I wasn't all that into it. I liked her transformation and my friend Alanna lent me her VHS copy of the Live in Italia concert. But I was just kind of ho-hum about Madonkey (that's what we call her).
And then came Like A Prayer.
Well, the rumor was that they filmed the Pepsi commercial in my CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL. And then I saw the video. And I was like: "Oh the irony!" And that started my obsession with irony. And black Jesuses. And choirs. Then I learned who Donna Delory and Niki Harris were (her back up singers - really the Florence Ballard and the Mary Wilson to her Diana Ross) and become obsessed with them.
Then Jennifer Richard got me the cassette tape and I was like..."holy hell, I'm a homo!" Hee hee. No, it wasn't that immediate. But I was officially drinking the Kool Aid. I got the remixes of "Express Yourself." I knew the entire dance that she did at the MTV Music Video Awards that year. I thought it was brave that she was showing her roots and I was excited that she went from dark hair in the "Like A Prayer" video to blond again. I thought it was an important social statement. Then something significant happened.
I might have expressed this in a previous post about my high school crush, but the "Express Yourself" video was the back drop for one of the most uncomfortable conversations on my life. I had to tell someone I wasn't obsessed with them. A boy. For FOUR HOURS. Why he let me talk to him for FOUR HOURS was odd and strange. And the fact that I had FOUR HOURS worth of denial in me was impressive. So I officially then became obsessed with boys. Actually, Irish boys. And look at me now...with a hot Irishman. Seriously. It's funny how Madonna has been there for so much of my life. And that I was listening to them replay a video for a song called "Express Yourself" every hour during this four hour conversation...when I was expressing myself...wow.
But Madonna taught me a lot of things too. I reflected on my own Catholicism and the hypocrisy within the Church (and became obsessed with THAT), learned who Fritz Lang was and what "Metropolis" was (the inspiration for the "Express Yourself" video), was introduced to the music of "Sly and the Family Stone" (according to Madonna, "Express Yourself" was her nod to Sly and the Family Stone. I got introduced to the work of David Fincher, who directed that video.
And then I was hooked: from "Cherish" and the mermen of the video to "Oh Father" to "Promise to Try." And then the Blond Ambition Tour which I didn't go to but heard about and listened to on the radio and watched on HBO and taped and watched obsessively. And even watched the rehearsal special on MTV and saw the performance version of "Vogue." And felt butterflies in my stomach when I watched the "Vogue" video and memorized those dances. I was so hooked.
I even gave lectures on Madonna to upper level religious studies classes as a Freshman in college to Juniors and Seniors. At my Catholic university!
She encouraged my artistry and my ambitions to work within a popular idiom. My plays all deal with identity and have an awareness of pop culture in style, in language and just as a part of the world they live in. Sometimes that influence is right up there at the forefront. Sometimes it's less so.
I've Gleeked out enough for one post. But I'll probably do so again. She's amazing and I love her. I'm glad I got to grow up in the era of Madonna. Doesn't that make me sound so old? But it's true. It's had such a major influence over me in so many ways.
Just paying homage.
Madonna's played a significant role in my life. I remember the first time I heard "Holiday." I was in my Mom's red subaru station wagon. We just sat there and listened. I know it didn't go further than..."gosh, I really like this BLACK singer." But it changed something for me. It meant that I would have a life long obsession with R&B music and anything that made me shake my booty.
Then I was at summer camp and someone was singing along to "Borderline." I thought: "Wow, there's that Madonna again." And then I watched the video: "Who's the cute guy in her video and where's that rooftop?" So I guess I could say that she started my obsession with cute guys and NYC. Well, that might be stretching it. I probably was obsessed with both MUCH earlier. Like birth.
Then I kind of ignored Madonna. I had the "Like a Virgin" and "Dress You Up/Angel" singles that I got at the swap meet. Yes, I am half-Mexican and went to the Santa Fe Springs Swap Meet as a child. I won't front. So I listened to Madonna, but it wasn't that big a deal. I was much more into Stacey Q and Debbie Gibson.
I thought the True Blue album cover was kind of cool. And I think the lady who drove me and my brother to school in the morning listened to the cassette tape. There were some great songs on that album and the Herb Ritts cover was amazing in retrospect, but I wasn't all that into it. I liked her transformation and my friend Alanna lent me her VHS copy of the Live in Italia concert. But I was just kind of ho-hum about Madonkey (that's what we call her).
And then came Like A Prayer.
Well, the rumor was that they filmed the Pepsi commercial in my CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL. And then I saw the video. And I was like: "Oh the irony!" And that started my obsession with irony. And black Jesuses. And choirs. Then I learned who Donna Delory and Niki Harris were (her back up singers - really the Florence Ballard and the Mary Wilson to her Diana Ross) and become obsessed with them.
Then Jennifer Richard got me the cassette tape and I was like..."holy hell, I'm a homo!" Hee hee. No, it wasn't that immediate. But I was officially drinking the Kool Aid. I got the remixes of "Express Yourself." I knew the entire dance that she did at the MTV Music Video Awards that year. I thought it was brave that she was showing her roots and I was excited that she went from dark hair in the "Like A Prayer" video to blond again. I thought it was an important social statement. Then something significant happened.
I might have expressed this in a previous post about my high school crush, but the "Express Yourself" video was the back drop for one of the most uncomfortable conversations on my life. I had to tell someone I wasn't obsessed with them. A boy. For FOUR HOURS. Why he let me talk to him for FOUR HOURS was odd and strange. And the fact that I had FOUR HOURS worth of denial in me was impressive. So I officially then became obsessed with boys. Actually, Irish boys. And look at me now...with a hot Irishman. Seriously. It's funny how Madonna has been there for so much of my life. And that I was listening to them replay a video for a song called "Express Yourself" every hour during this four hour conversation...when I was expressing myself...wow.
But Madonna taught me a lot of things too. I reflected on my own Catholicism and the hypocrisy within the Church (and became obsessed with THAT), learned who Fritz Lang was and what "Metropolis" was (the inspiration for the "Express Yourself" video), was introduced to the music of "Sly and the Family Stone" (according to Madonna, "Express Yourself" was her nod to Sly and the Family Stone. I got introduced to the work of David Fincher, who directed that video.
And then I was hooked: from "Cherish" and the mermen of the video to "Oh Father" to "Promise to Try." And then the Blond Ambition Tour which I didn't go to but heard about and listened to on the radio and watched on HBO and taped and watched obsessively. And even watched the rehearsal special on MTV and saw the performance version of "Vogue." And felt butterflies in my stomach when I watched the "Vogue" video and memorized those dances. I was so hooked.
I even gave lectures on Madonna to upper level religious studies classes as a Freshman in college to Juniors and Seniors. At my Catholic university!
She encouraged my artistry and my ambitions to work within a popular idiom. My plays all deal with identity and have an awareness of pop culture in style, in language and just as a part of the world they live in. Sometimes that influence is right up there at the forefront. Sometimes it's less so.
I've Gleeked out enough for one post. But I'll probably do so again. She's amazing and I love her. I'm glad I got to grow up in the era of Madonna. Doesn't that make me sound so old? But it's true. It's had such a major influence over me in so many ways.
Just paying homage.
My Problem with my Status Update
It's crazy to me when someone I haven't seen in a while starts talking to me about what's been going on in my life, as if they're explaining it to me. And just when it starts to get really annoying, I remember...
Oh, I put that in my status update, didn't I?
"Oh, so you've already seen pictures of my niece."
"Right. I did do flights of bourbon in Louisville with my friends Emily, Kory and Sarah."
"Sorry. I did take the Lord's name in vain last week."
IN some ways it's good to have a status update repeat your status back to you in the form of a friend who reminds you of how busy you are and how much writing you've been doing lately. I've never noticed that I'm an incredibly prolific, wide-ranging, nimble writer before. Seriously. I'm usually really busy freaking out about deadlines and feeling like a loser to realize how productive I'm being. So thank you, status update for that.
And I notice people congratulating me on how productive I am. That's a boost. It makes my life seem more interesting than I find it. And it gives me the opportunity to be witty a lot.
My status update helps me remember how many people in my life are fans of either RuPaul's Drag Race or The Real Housewives of New York City or Glee. Then it reminds me of how many gay people I know.
Lots.
Actually, it doesn't seem like I have a problem with my status update.
Except maybe that it means I don't hear my friends' voices as much as I used to.
Oh, I put that in my status update, didn't I?
"Oh, so you've already seen pictures of my niece."
"Right. I did do flights of bourbon in Louisville with my friends Emily, Kory and Sarah."
"Sorry. I did take the Lord's name in vain last week."
IN some ways it's good to have a status update repeat your status back to you in the form of a friend who reminds you of how busy you are and how much writing you've been doing lately. I've never noticed that I'm an incredibly prolific, wide-ranging, nimble writer before. Seriously. I'm usually really busy freaking out about deadlines and feeling like a loser to realize how productive I'm being. So thank you, status update for that.
And I notice people congratulating me on how productive I am. That's a boost. It makes my life seem more interesting than I find it. And it gives me the opportunity to be witty a lot.
My status update helps me remember how many people in my life are fans of either RuPaul's Drag Race or The Real Housewives of New York City or Glee. Then it reminds me of how many gay people I know.
Lots.
Actually, it doesn't seem like I have a problem with my status update.
Except maybe that it means I don't hear my friends' voices as much as I used to.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Asian Five Way
Tonight I had dinner and drinks with four other Asian friends. Julia, who I know from NYU who's a famous playwright and TV writer, her husband Ed who's also a good friend, my friend Paula who's a TV writer and their friend Florence - who they have in common. Originally I was supposed to get together with Paula, then she mentioned that Florence was in town and wanted to bring her friend Julia - who I happened to know.
It was definitely true of tonight, but is always true of when I hang out with other Asian people, that I am reminded of how Asian I am when I hang with other Asians. The conversation always turns around to food, deals on food, great restaurants and we're always on time. Or early.
I also noticed that we all go out of our way to thank our servers and be nice to our bartenders. Which all people should do anyway, but there's a certain graciousness that I don't always find in people. It's a sweetness.
My boyfriend always complains about how loud I am and I feel quieter when I'm with Asians as well. It's very interesting.
Back to that graciousness and sweetness...it reminds me of all of my Asian cousins and my relatives. I can think of all of my Asian family and reflect on that sweetness. And the wanting to feed everyone or share food and share conversation. I guess it's familiar to me, so it feels like the way that people should act. It really does feel that way.
I hate when people are greedy or territorial over their food. I'm going to eat off your plate and I may or may not ask. But you're welcome to do that to me as well. My Auntie Dolly always said, "Don't be shy" and "there is plenty." I love that sort of generosity. It's an inherent kindness that is so nurturing. It's milky and luxurious...if I had to describe it in a texture or a feel.
With the Latin part of myself, it's all about fire and spice and fragrance. It's the smell of food cooking - onions and carne asada and corn. Those are some of my favorite smells. But I'll save that for another post another time.
It was a nice evening full of chiming in and gathering. I guess that's also very Southern, which is why I get along with my friends from the South so well, I suppose.
It was definitely true of tonight, but is always true of when I hang out with other Asian people, that I am reminded of how Asian I am when I hang with other Asians. The conversation always turns around to food, deals on food, great restaurants and we're always on time. Or early.
I also noticed that we all go out of our way to thank our servers and be nice to our bartenders. Which all people should do anyway, but there's a certain graciousness that I don't always find in people. It's a sweetness.
My boyfriend always complains about how loud I am and I feel quieter when I'm with Asians as well. It's very interesting.
Back to that graciousness and sweetness...it reminds me of all of my Asian cousins and my relatives. I can think of all of my Asian family and reflect on that sweetness. And the wanting to feed everyone or share food and share conversation. I guess it's familiar to me, so it feels like the way that people should act. It really does feel that way.
I hate when people are greedy or territorial over their food. I'm going to eat off your plate and I may or may not ask. But you're welcome to do that to me as well. My Auntie Dolly always said, "Don't be shy" and "there is plenty." I love that sort of generosity. It's an inherent kindness that is so nurturing. It's milky and luxurious...if I had to describe it in a texture or a feel.
With the Latin part of myself, it's all about fire and spice and fragrance. It's the smell of food cooking - onions and carne asada and corn. Those are some of my favorite smells. But I'll save that for another post another time.
It was a nice evening full of chiming in and gathering. I guess that's also very Southern, which is why I get along with my friends from the South so well, I suppose.
What is going to make me feel better?
Frankly, I've been getting massive enjoyment from turning on music in my kitchen and making tacos. Last night was pretty amazing. I had five tacos with homemade turkey taco meat. I've been watching Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution on ABC and telling myself that it's not about eating salads and veg, but it's about making things myself. So it's perfectly okay if I'm making chicken fingers and homemade ketchup and french fries. I'm not buying the processed shit. It's the new health food. Just make it yourself, no matter how much butter, oil, sugar or fat. Just imagine how much MORE fat there would be if you got it through the drive-thru.
Yes, it's not as good as a raw food diet. But it's not as bad as McDonald's every day. I mean, that is what's driving American towards obesity. And I'm not anywhere near obese.
Five tacos? It's not like I finished the entire box of taco shells. That would be sad.
Brain food. That's the other thing I tell myself. It's brain food. And I'm doing A LOT of writing these days. I deserve it. It's a reward. More things I tell myself that just keep me eating.
I'm a taco freak. What can I say? That and fried rice and tostadas are things I like to make for myself when I'm not feeling great. Or when I want something fast. Or when I'm watching a favorite TV show. Or when I'm having a childhood memory.
Okay, so those are the things I like to eat whenever, wherever, however.
Whatever.
Yes, it's not as good as a raw food diet. But it's not as bad as McDonald's every day. I mean, that is what's driving American towards obesity. And I'm not anywhere near obese.
Five tacos? It's not like I finished the entire box of taco shells. That would be sad.
Brain food. That's the other thing I tell myself. It's brain food. And I'm doing A LOT of writing these days. I deserve it. It's a reward. More things I tell myself that just keep me eating.
I'm a taco freak. What can I say? That and fried rice and tostadas are things I like to make for myself when I'm not feeling great. Or when I want something fast. Or when I'm watching a favorite TV show. Or when I'm having a childhood memory.
Okay, so those are the things I like to eat whenever, wherever, however.
Whatever.
Choosing Between My Fabulous Mythical Gay Body and My Fabulous Semi-Factual Gay Wit
I have this constant battle going on in my head of this person I think I am vs. the person I think I could become. It's the:
BATTLE OF THE MYTHICAL GAY BODY VS. MY SEMI-FACTUAL GAY WIT
And it isn't about my body or wit being gay, but it the fact that this is even a topic of blogging IS so gay. I always say that I can't do two things at once - try to get to the gym three days a week and yoga at least once plus two days of running AND write every night. So I make a choice. And while I make that choice, I inevitably make two or three hundred bad choices.
Like last night's Doritos Nachos with Turkey Taco Meat and Cheddar Cheese. Plus tons of Tapatio hot sauce. But wait, I always heard that spicy foods speed up the metabolism. Is that a total myth? Because I base my diet choices on that. And I forgot to mention one thing: I ate this at 11 PM. I don't have a sweet tooth, but I do like to eat.
Update on the body: it's not bad. I've got a little more pooch than I'd like, but it's not protruding. This is another myth I tell myself. As long as it's not protruding, I can fluctuate. As long as I don't have to buy new pants, I'm fine. And the time I did have to buy new pants, I decided to run a marathon. But it's not just about the body, I guess. It's about clarity and it's about setting up routine again. It's about achieving something. I'm tired of coming close to things and not getting them in the rest of my life. I have a passable body. I can go to the beach with my shirt off. I have nice legs. The face is good. But it's ALMOST there - well, almost minus 7-10% more body fat loss and my current weight minus five actual pounds with way more muscle mass.
Yes, I live in West Hollywood and I realize that's a factor. A big factor. A big big factor. The fact that I'm becoming a big factor is a big factor. Gosh, I want an omelette right now.
But I'm writing, so that's good, right? Productive. Productive and good for the mind. It's important to keep the mind active to ward off the Alzheimer's, which is what my grandmother had before she died. So as long as I don't get that or dementia, I should be good.
Another myth...
BATTLE OF THE MYTHICAL GAY BODY VS. MY SEMI-FACTUAL GAY WIT
And it isn't about my body or wit being gay, but it the fact that this is even a topic of blogging IS so gay. I always say that I can't do two things at once - try to get to the gym three days a week and yoga at least once plus two days of running AND write every night. So I make a choice. And while I make that choice, I inevitably make two or three hundred bad choices.
Like last night's Doritos Nachos with Turkey Taco Meat and Cheddar Cheese. Plus tons of Tapatio hot sauce. But wait, I always heard that spicy foods speed up the metabolism. Is that a total myth? Because I base my diet choices on that. And I forgot to mention one thing: I ate this at 11 PM. I don't have a sweet tooth, but I do like to eat.
Update on the body: it's not bad. I've got a little more pooch than I'd like, but it's not protruding. This is another myth I tell myself. As long as it's not protruding, I can fluctuate. As long as I don't have to buy new pants, I'm fine. And the time I did have to buy new pants, I decided to run a marathon. But it's not just about the body, I guess. It's about clarity and it's about setting up routine again. It's about achieving something. I'm tired of coming close to things and not getting them in the rest of my life. I have a passable body. I can go to the beach with my shirt off. I have nice legs. The face is good. But it's ALMOST there - well, almost minus 7-10% more body fat loss and my current weight minus five actual pounds with way more muscle mass.
Yes, I live in West Hollywood and I realize that's a factor. A big factor. A big big factor. The fact that I'm becoming a big factor is a big factor. Gosh, I want an omelette right now.
But I'm writing, so that's good, right? Productive. Productive and good for the mind. It's important to keep the mind active to ward off the Alzheimer's, which is what my grandmother had before she died. So as long as I don't get that or dementia, I should be good.
Another myth...
Monday, April 12, 2010
Trick Me Again, MPK!
Necessary info:
MPK - Michael Patrick King
SJP - Sarah Jessica Parker
S&TC - Sex and the City
So another thing I've been watching on repeat is the new Sex and the City trailer. It's good, right? It just reminds me what a sucker I am for those characters. I saw the first trailer for the first movie and I was excited because it had been four years and the movie was something a lot of us thought would never happen. We should have known by the trailer and the poster that it might not be the greatest follow up of all times. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed seeing "the girls" back in "the City", but overall the movie was a bit long and sad. While I admire what MPK was doing and I think there was some excellent storytelling, I was left a little empty inside. I thought the costuming was good, but it just felt like the TV show on the big screen in certain ways and not all of those ways translated. Again, I'm a huge fan and will forgive anything.
So fast forward two years to the sequel. Well, the minute I saw the teaser poster with SJP in the aviators and the white Halston with the bedazzled number 2...I drooled a little bit. I knew we were in for some over the top outrageousness. Then the first trailer...it was a tease, but more info was shared than in the teaser trailer for the first movie. It had some clips, it looked good, "Empire State of Mind" was used effectively. We knew they were going to the desert, there was an over the topness about that trip.
Then I waited four months. FOUR MONTHS!!!!! For a damn trailer. And just when my patience was used up, we got the new trailer last Thursday. And I does NOT disappoint. Let me tell you. It's fucking great.
Let me illustrate the battle between the rational mind and the maniac that I am for this show.
The trailer starts with more shots of New York and "Empire State of Mind." I think: "Really? This started out just like the last one." Then: Oh My God! The girls are back! One, two, three four! They're back, they're back, they're back!!!! Thank God Then I hear "It's been two years..." Oh My God! VOICEOVER! It has been two years! two long years, SJP. Why couldn't you just do another series to hold us over. Five episodes would have done me just fine! We see the girls in action. Lily is driving Charlotte crazy and puts two red handprints on her white pants. Then Carrie gives Big a watch. They're both looking a little haggard and old. Are you sure it's only been two years and not twenty because you look old. But just when my cynical self starts to take over, the girls are back at brunch with the kids and Charlotte wonders how Samantha is going to swallow all of her anti-aging pills. And Samantha replies with: Have We Met? Oh God! That Kim Catrall is so amazing. Can they all be nominated for the Oscar already? Then more funny lines and the whole "We need to work on the Sparkle." And Just when I think I've seen it all...LIZA LIZA LIZA LIZA!!!!! It's got a Z in it!
What does happen after you say "I Do", Carrie? Then they decide to go to Abu Dabi and the music changes. They're in the dessert. Okay, turbans. Hammer pants. The fashion show in the middle of the trailer. I get it. A few more jokes. I'm starting to get board then I see...what is it that I see? I see Carrie in a J'Adore Dior tee and a ball skirt and a tan man who strangely looks like...
AIDEN! Are you fucking kidding me? She's going to go through this shit again? It's Aiden vs. Big? Really? Come on! Haven't go gotten over Aiden! He's back and he's amazing and oh God, I love him. And is he going to fuck this all up? It'll be fun to watch because all of Carrie's ridiculous behavior is so amazing and oh god, I'm going to faint. Can I get a glass of water? I'm lightheaded. Really, I'm going to faint it's just too much! too much of a good thing!
So I really don't calm down for the rest of the trailer. And even though I think the Aiden thing might be a little dumb and too convenient, I just can't wait to see them together and to see her be temped and for it to get all messed up. But this time the movie seems like more of a romp (as they've said in many interviews). It's going to be so good! Oh Jesus, what will I wear on opening night? I want May 27th to come now!
And all hope is lost. I love the girls. I can't wait to see them again.
MPK - Michael Patrick King
SJP - Sarah Jessica Parker
S&TC - Sex and the City
So another thing I've been watching on repeat is the new Sex and the City trailer. It's good, right? It just reminds me what a sucker I am for those characters. I saw the first trailer for the first movie and I was excited because it had been four years and the movie was something a lot of us thought would never happen. We should have known by the trailer and the poster that it might not be the greatest follow up of all times. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed seeing "the girls" back in "the City", but overall the movie was a bit long and sad. While I admire what MPK was doing and I think there was some excellent storytelling, I was left a little empty inside. I thought the costuming was good, but it just felt like the TV show on the big screen in certain ways and not all of those ways translated. Again, I'm a huge fan and will forgive anything.
So fast forward two years to the sequel. Well, the minute I saw the teaser poster with SJP in the aviators and the white Halston with the bedazzled number 2...I drooled a little bit. I knew we were in for some over the top outrageousness. Then the first trailer...it was a tease, but more info was shared than in the teaser trailer for the first movie. It had some clips, it looked good, "Empire State of Mind" was used effectively. We knew they were going to the desert, there was an over the topness about that trip.
Then I waited four months. FOUR MONTHS!!!!! For a damn trailer. And just when my patience was used up, we got the new trailer last Thursday. And I does NOT disappoint. Let me tell you. It's fucking great.
Let me illustrate the battle between the rational mind and the maniac that I am for this show.
The trailer starts with more shots of New York and "Empire State of Mind." I think: "Really? This started out just like the last one." Then: Oh My God! The girls are back! One, two, three four! They're back, they're back, they're back!!!! Thank God Then I hear "It's been two years..." Oh My God! VOICEOVER! It has been two years! two long years, SJP. Why couldn't you just do another series to hold us over. Five episodes would have done me just fine! We see the girls in action. Lily is driving Charlotte crazy and puts two red handprints on her white pants. Then Carrie gives Big a watch. They're both looking a little haggard and old. Are you sure it's only been two years and not twenty because you look old. But just when my cynical self starts to take over, the girls are back at brunch with the kids and Charlotte wonders how Samantha is going to swallow all of her anti-aging pills. And Samantha replies with: Have We Met? Oh God! That Kim Catrall is so amazing. Can they all be nominated for the Oscar already? Then more funny lines and the whole "We need to work on the Sparkle." And Just when I think I've seen it all...LIZA LIZA LIZA LIZA!!!!! It's got a Z in it!
What does happen after you say "I Do", Carrie? Then they decide to go to Abu Dabi and the music changes. They're in the dessert. Okay, turbans. Hammer pants. The fashion show in the middle of the trailer. I get it. A few more jokes. I'm starting to get board then I see...what is it that I see? I see Carrie in a J'Adore Dior tee and a ball skirt and a tan man who strangely looks like...
AIDEN! Are you fucking kidding me? She's going to go through this shit again? It's Aiden vs. Big? Really? Come on! Haven't go gotten over Aiden! He's back and he's amazing and oh God, I love him. And is he going to fuck this all up? It'll be fun to watch because all of Carrie's ridiculous behavior is so amazing and oh god, I'm going to faint. Can I get a glass of water? I'm lightheaded. Really, I'm going to faint it's just too much! too much of a good thing!
So I really don't calm down for the rest of the trailer. And even though I think the Aiden thing might be a little dumb and too convenient, I just can't wait to see them together and to see her be temped and for it to get all messed up. But this time the movie seems like more of a romp (as they've said in many interviews). It's going to be so good! Oh Jesus, what will I wear on opening night? I want May 27th to come now!
And all hope is lost. I love the girls. I can't wait to see them again.
My DVR is an Emotional Library
Is it sad or admitting too much about myself to say that my DVR acts as a playlist of emotions that I draw from as I sit down to write?
Let me tell you what I mean. I'm working on this pilot right now and the one thing missing overall are these emotional interactions and intimate moments between an husband and a wife. On tonight's Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood, I was witness to their marital problems and their desire to keep their marriage together and to stay connected. I watched Dancing with the Stars and saw Pam Anderson's and Niecy Nash's emotional rumbas. It's like some people listen to music to get in a certain mood. This is the music I listen to when I need to get into a mood with a scene I'm writing. Its a bit sad and pathetic and too convenient an excuse when my boyfriend asks me why I'm watching the same scene from Real Housewives of NYC over and over again. But it's really said when Ramona tells Bethenny that she has no friends except for her then fiance (now husband) Jason and that she'll probably screw that up too. And to hear Bethenny beg Jill to just listen to her...well, I'm crying now. It really gets me in the mood to write some real characters. Thank you, reality TV. Sorry WGA. But I'm not in the union yet and this is great research.
Let me tell you what I mean. I'm working on this pilot right now and the one thing missing overall are these emotional interactions and intimate moments between an husband and a wife. On tonight's Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood, I was witness to their marital problems and their desire to keep their marriage together and to stay connected. I watched Dancing with the Stars and saw Pam Anderson's and Niecy Nash's emotional rumbas. It's like some people listen to music to get in a certain mood. This is the music I listen to when I need to get into a mood with a scene I'm writing. Its a bit sad and pathetic and too convenient an excuse when my boyfriend asks me why I'm watching the same scene from Real Housewives of NYC over and over again. But it's really said when Ramona tells Bethenny that she has no friends except for her then fiance (now husband) Jason and that she'll probably screw that up too. And to hear Bethenny beg Jill to just listen to her...well, I'm crying now. It really gets me in the mood to write some real characters. Thank you, reality TV. Sorry WGA. But I'm not in the union yet and this is great research.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Knowing What's Best
I love the internet sometimes. When I'm feeling like I need advice or support I put something in my status update and all of a sudden my 566 friends are there for me. I don't feel so lost. You know how people like to talk about putting an intention out into the universe. Well, putting something in a status update is basically putting that intention out x the number of friends you have.
You have to know what's best for you. It's a lesson the universe keeps trying to teach me and I keep working hard to ignore. My therapist reminded me that when I applied to graduate school, no one read my play and I trusted myself completely. And look what it got me: a full ride to NYU.
I have to trust myself. We all have to trust ourselves. We know in our hearts when we are being truthful with ourselves. And we have to act on that more often. We'd be a hell of a lot happier.
I want an agent and I want a career. But I'm not trusting myself. My boyfriend keeps telling me that. And I don't want to listen. Here's someone who has faith in me and I'm not listening. What's the matter with me? I'd rather listen to people who don't really have my best interest in mind. And when someone pays me a complement or says they're impressed with me, I'm skeptical.
I'm not going to do that any more. I had drinks with my friend David last week and he's doing a lot of that. I'm hoping he stops soon. Because I'm sure his life would be better and more fulfilling if he would just stop listening to the voice in his head that tells him he can't or shouldn't or that it will never happen.
I'm musing tonight because I know I have some notes to take down. And I'm procrastinating. But I'm also doing a lot of soul searching. I've given up too much control when I shouldn't. I'm better than that. I think a lot of us are better than we give ourselves credit.
We need to ask ourselves what we want and start doing something to get us there.
You have to know what's best for you. It's a lesson the universe keeps trying to teach me and I keep working hard to ignore. My therapist reminded me that when I applied to graduate school, no one read my play and I trusted myself completely. And look what it got me: a full ride to NYU.
I have to trust myself. We all have to trust ourselves. We know in our hearts when we are being truthful with ourselves. And we have to act on that more often. We'd be a hell of a lot happier.
I want an agent and I want a career. But I'm not trusting myself. My boyfriend keeps telling me that. And I don't want to listen. Here's someone who has faith in me and I'm not listening. What's the matter with me? I'd rather listen to people who don't really have my best interest in mind. And when someone pays me a complement or says they're impressed with me, I'm skeptical.
I'm not going to do that any more. I had drinks with my friend David last week and he's doing a lot of that. I'm hoping he stops soon. Because I'm sure his life would be better and more fulfilling if he would just stop listening to the voice in his head that tells him he can't or shouldn't or that it will never happen.
I'm musing tonight because I know I have some notes to take down. And I'm procrastinating. But I'm also doing a lot of soul searching. I've given up too much control when I shouldn't. I'm better than that. I think a lot of us are better than we give ourselves credit.
We need to ask ourselves what we want and start doing something to get us there.
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