Knowing What's Best

I love the internet sometimes. When I'm feeling like I need advice or support I put something in my status update and all of a sudden my 566 friends are there for me. I don't feel so lost. You know how people like to talk about putting an intention out into the universe. Well, putting something in a status update is basically putting that intention out x the number of friends you have.

You have to know what's best for you. It's a lesson the universe keeps trying to teach me and I keep working hard to ignore. My therapist reminded me that when I applied to graduate school, no one read my play and I trusted myself completely. And look what it got me: a full ride to NYU.

I have to trust myself. We all have to trust ourselves. We know in our hearts when we are being truthful with ourselves. And we have to act on that more often. We'd be a hell of a lot happier.

I want an agent and I want a career. But I'm not trusting myself. My boyfriend keeps telling me that. And I don't want to listen. Here's someone who has faith in me and I'm not listening. What's the matter with me? I'd rather listen to people who don't really have my best interest in mind. And when someone pays me a complement or says they're impressed with me, I'm skeptical.

I'm not going to do that any more. I had drinks with my friend David last week and he's doing a lot of that. I'm hoping he stops soon. Because I'm sure his life would be better and more fulfilling if he would just stop listening to the voice in his head that tells him he can't or shouldn't or that it will never happen.

I'm musing tonight because I know I have some notes to take down. And I'm procrastinating. But I'm also doing a lot of soul searching. I've given up too much control when I shouldn't. I'm better than that. I think a lot of us are better than we give ourselves credit.

We need to ask ourselves what we want and start doing something to get us there.