Memoirs of a Hollywood Geisha

DISCLAIMER: The following post is partially fictionalized and partially played up for humor. In the words of my boyfriend when he starts getting loud at parties...

"I'M HAMMING IT UP, DEAR!"

**** So part of my being Mrs. Wes is that I have to get dressed up and take the rollers out of the hair every once in a while. Yes, as legend goes, I was rescued from a gutter in Downey, cleaned up and ushered into my life as a Hollywood boyfriend. Truth be told, I'm New York-educated and am pursuing my writing career. But every now and again, I don the dark glasses, put on the pill box hat, drag an Oleg Cassini out of the closet and pull it together. A Kennedy reference is actually apropos in this instance because this morning we went downtown to go bowling for one of our favorite charities, Best Buddies - which was started by Anthony Shriver.

As some of my old friends and my boyfriend can attest, sometimes I can be a fan of a theme. Whether it's my Junior year in college being the year of Navys and Greys or my birthday party in grad school where I announced the theme was 1981 - Calvin Klein minimalist chic, I like to have great stories in my head that make sense to no one but me.

This morning it was easy Hollywood Sunday morning. An outfit that seemed appropriate to the Farmer's Market if one was trying to be on the DL, but wanted to look good for the paparazzi. Translation: grey jeans, terry cloth track jacket by Juicy Couture Mens, blue "UP" t-shirt featuring Ed Asner's character on the front (supporting the family biz), and a pair of white and tan Pumas. I also had my burnt orange sunglasses on. Very low-key. I felt like I could be in one of those Details diagrams that would read:

"Gay Hollywood Domestic Partner or Mobster Tourist"

[Side note: Last night's theme was 80s power bitch - hair was kind of feathered into a bit of a nod to Hillary Clinton, grey v-neck, hot pink tee underneath, grey jeans and silk scarf poking out of a peacoat. We were going to meet a young boy that Wes had met out months ago. I got a little Alexis Carrington/Abby Ewing on it.]

So we get there and see our friend Mark who was running the event. We say hello to some of Wes' clients. I got introduced to Cindy Crawford, who was gorgeous in person and had a nice vibe. Everyone who knew her kept saying how incredibly nice she is. I love to hear things like that. We saw Harry Hamlin who is totally sexy and the lovely Lisa Rinna who I only admired from afar. It was nice to see these folks with their kids. Wes and I were starving so we crammed some food down our throats and then went to mingle.

I was talking to the woman who had worked on PR for the event when a Buddy came up to me. The Buddies are who the charity is for. They are intellectually-disabled individuals who are placed in jobs so they can be active. [Side note: I don't know if we have a term that's fully satisfying. Mentally-handicapped or disabled doesn't seem any better. I think Buddy is probably the best option.] So a Buddy came up to me and spoke in a very soft voice, so I had to lean in. An adult (maybe his Mom) came up to me and said that he maybe he thought I was someone that I'm not. Hmmm. Then she asked me if I was on HEROES.

I politely replied "No." But in my head I was thinking: "Does he think I'm Masi Oka? Do we all really look alike?"

Then she replied that he thought I was Adrian Pasdar. Well, hello Buddy! Can I get you a drink? A soda or a fruit juice, of course!

Then another Buddy came up to me later and asked if I was a celebrity: "Only in my own mind, Sweet Pea. Only in the Windmills of my Mind."

So the Buddies got my Hollywood Casual outfit. Well, if I was going to impress anyone, I'm glad it was them. It was a fun event, as usual. Chatted with Kiele Sanchez, who's an actress I've admired for a long time, although I was playing it cool and not admitting that to her. But if our friend Jen reads this and busts me, I guess I'll just be a big nerd. Oh, well. I could do a lot worse being rescued from a gutter in Downey.

I did my job: helped the boyfriend pick out silent auction items to bid on, functioned as pretty arm candy, made witty remarks and posed for pictures. Now I'm back home, rollers back in, just pulled out a mozzerella stuffed meatloaf out of the oven and the dogs are laying at my feet passing gas. Oh the sweet, foul scent of reality!